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This week I learned that my thyroid levels have not been right for some time. I also learned that two of my cousins have thyroid cancer. This is scary. I've been going to doctors for years with all kinds of thyroid symptoms, but have been treated for everything but while the symptoms have just increased and taken away the quality of my life. I've become this little anxious shell of who I used to be and can't remember squat. I've been complaining to the doctors about this lump in my throat for years. They have me swallow and say they don't feel anything and we go on. Now I am wondering if this is thyroid cancer. I need to find a doctor that specializes in the thyroid and takes medicaid. My depression/anxiety have gotten so severe over the quality of my life that I've been having lots of suicidal thoughts lately. Started a new medicine for it a few days ago. Lost the bottle last night. Wondering if I should take it anyway because the symptoms it could cause many of the same symptoms as thyroid disease. I've thought this was just a personal mental defect that I couldn't get myself grounded back into the Word, that I was so distracted that I was no good for anything. I thought I was just reacting badly to life circumstances. I've been trying to connect at Harvester Christian for quite a while and emotionally I'm just not able to do it right now. I did spend some time with the deaf community and they were wonderful, but since my sign language is so limited it was still a bit isolating for me. I love taking Bernice to their class though. But without her with me I've been to anxious to be at church alone. I miss the happy outgoing person I used to be and maybe I'll get that back with treatment. I'm going to Grace church this week with a close friend. I need the security of going in with someone right now. I'm still planning to come to Harvester, but this is what is holding me up and this is what I so desperately need your prayers for. Thank-you, Tammy

Received: February 2, 2019

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